UF PRISM

Romance is dead, and TikTok is dancing on its grave. 

Young people yearn for an old-fashioned kind of love, a kind of love where you’re swept off your feet and unabashedly, unapologetically head-over-heels for someone. However, thanks to the pitfalls of social media, this sensation doesn’t necessarily exist in the context we desire.

Loving someone is supposed to be so much fun: getting to know them better than anyone, sharing jokes and secrets and desire. But it isn’t always the picturesque image that is pumped out by social media – constantly showing up, choosing your person, making an effort on both your relationship and yourself are what make love so rewarding. 

It’s easy to define this perspective of love; it’s another thing entirely to encapsulate it. People are searching for this aesthetic relationship where everyone gets along a hundred percent of the time. We impose these invisible rules on ourselves, creating a rulebook of things that don’t really exist.

You can’t send two texts consecutively. That shows too much interest, and if you show too much interest your crush will lose theirs. Situationships are breeding grounds for the insecure and noncommittal which unfortunately has seemed to take over the modern dating scene. 

Once people finally get into this dream relationship, they have to survive the three-month rule. ‘Train’ your boyfriend to be the perfect man, but if he isn’t already doing all these things, is he even your boyfriend? He may be perfect, but did he make you a ‘burr basket,’ just because? If he doesn’t do these things, he’s lazy, but if he does, he’s lovebombing. You’re getting manipulated one way or another. 

Does anyone understand how exhausting this is?

Love can be difficult or confusing sometimes, yes. But loving someone should not always feel hard and it definitely should not feel like a chore. It should not feel like this complicated string of games where you’re in this unwanted competition of who has the perfect relationship. It creates an unwanted pressure of, “Who can meet all of these standards they don’t even know are set for them?”. If love truly has good intentions, adds purpose and experience to a person’s life, it should never feel wasted or unworthy. 

Social media has reframed getting to know someone authentically as a performance – a production of gifts and perfection. It should not be this frustrating. 

To be clear, this is not to defend the poor partner nor am I suggesting to settle for someone because they check all the boxes. I am blessed with an angel of a boyfriend, but it wasn’t always that way and I am well aware this is not the case for a lot of my ladies (and any dear readers). Male-centric dating content on social media is a horror in it of itself. Settling will get you nowhere besides a relationship based on hidden resent and mediocracy.

 And final reiteration, this is not mediocre man (in the wise words of Sabrina Carpenter, Hey, men) propaganda. Please, free yourself from that person who does the bare minimum to keep you around. Do not settle for someone who treats you less than you deserve. This is for the people who feel frustrated with the state of dating and the impossibility of it all. Social media has made dating incredibly overwhelming and I would argue unrealistic. Sometimes what the algorithm demands out of young people is not applicable to the typical teenage relationship, especially in college when both schedules and money are tight. 

There are others out there feeling the same way, I promise.

In my opinion, the solution to the challenges of social media’s limited view on dating is to trust your instinct and just be yourself. It sounds wildly cliche, but sometimes, we all try way too hard to appease other people. If something’s working, let it work and if it’s not, it’s okay. Both good and bad experiences are a part of life and what gives unique perspective, depth and character. No time spent happy or loving is time wasted. And after all, you don’t know what you want until you’ve had experiences to shape that. Everyone’s expectations and standards are bound to evolve as we evolve as people. If you had asked what I valued in my first relationship, I don’t think I could answer. I was too young and had too little experience to really have an understanding on what I wanted long-term and what’s considered standard in relationships. If you ask me now what I value in my relationship, it would be laughter, stability and the ability to be entirely vulnerable with no judgement. These are the things that matter the most, not any imaginary impositions that social media feeds us. 

The stakes are way lower than what social media makes them out to be, and if not every single box is checked, that’s also okay. Talk to the guy you think is cute! And to the male audience, take a chance even if you think it won’t work out (within reason please. Know your place). Love is abundant, and when it’s weaponized to this extremist degree it makes dating feel like a warzone. The requirement to go through the absolute trenches to discover what makes you happy is not exactly ideal for a person’s development, personally or romantically.

Each person is made to be appreciated uniquely, and that is truly the beauty of loving someone. You get to know them on such a deep level, know all of their quirks and their favorite foods and songs and how to make them feel the most special. It’s a beautiful feeling and when a person is so preoccupied on what should be happening instead of what is, they might miss an opportunity right in front of them. 

Old-fashioned romance is still out there, but it’s been violently distorted by people on the internet’s views of what’s important and what isn’t. Nobody should have to play these Olympic-level games just to see if someone might feel the same back. The sheer amount of confusion and frustration that comes from dating is a massive turn-off for people just looking for someone to love and be loved by. How unromantic is it to be measuring someone, based on something an influencer trying to sell you a dating course is saying? It’s ridiculous when said aloud. 

Humans are not machines, nor are we capable of perfection. Love is messy, it’s fun, and stands strong for you at the end of the day. Opportunities to explore it are more abundant than we think. Remember to have standards, be kind, set boundaries, and give the love out into the world that you want to be given back. Godspeed.