Sophomore, English major
Fantastic. You weren’t drafted for the skeleton war, and your chick-magnet, velcroVelcro wallet coughs specters of dust when you want to count your change. Maybe a night in watching re-runs of Buffy over a bag of stale candy corn won’t be so bad. But have no fear (or full-fledged fear, to get in the spirit,), because these original costume ideas are not as ridiculously priced as the $38 Marx beard at the Halloween store. With a little effort and a lot of guts, you can become the life of the party!
1. That one snowman from that one Disney movie with those catchy songs.
You’ll need ten bottles of shaving cream and three beach balls (small, medium, and large.) If the cashier asks, tell her you’re stocking up for next summer. Go to the nearest Burger King and sneak into the kitchen, around the proximity of the freezer. Make a single cut on one side of the ball. When nearing the bottom, curve the scissors to make a circular shape at the bottom. Repeat this for the other two balls. Place the balls with the smallest at the top and largest at the bottom into the bed-like freezer, and fill each with shaving cream. Carefully slip into the plastic skin, and rest for 3-5 hours. Take a nap, or maybe hum the entire Up All Night album. Whatever you choose, just remember to chill and let it go…this costume will be the star of the party.
2. Theodore Roosevelt’s big stick.
This one’s pretty simple. Go into the woods and find the biggest branch on the ground. Tie it to your body with string, or maybe your belt. If you think your company hasn’t brushed up on their U.S. history trivia, maybe etch Teddy’s name on the trunk with a pocketknife. But a minimalistic costume has its costs: through the duration of the party, you have to whisper. Remember, you are different than that guy creeping the bushes outside who breathes a little too deeply because you were invited. Ride this one out, rough one.
3. A submissive Eunectes murinus.
Not all anacondas blatantly state that they don’t. Some are the yes men, some are the shy types. Don’t let the world forget this rare specimen. Take action, and go to Petco to pick up a baby green anaconda (you’ve got to teach them young) and a bucket of rats. Put him on your shoulder, and hold a rat in your hand and make an up and down motion. The anaconda will nod. Repeat this motion throughout the night. It might be best to keep a fanny pack full of rats. You may not agree with this type of public action, but your anaconda will…and can.
4. Miley Cyrus’ muscular hydrostat.
After countless paparazzi photos and performances, one would mourn for the loss of moisture on her tongue with it being out all the time. Scour around motel dumpsters for old couch cushions or old mattresses. Once you find one, go to Wal-Mart to buy about five bottles of pink fabric dye. Lay newspaper on the floor and place the specimen on the bed of paper. Cut away the outer fabric until only the spongy flesh is left behind. Now is the time to pour your dye. Hopefully some of the dye crusts to give the piece a more authentic, arid look. Carry the tongue around, or if you don’t mind rubbing against acrid synthetic dye, tie it to your body. Play around with the idea, be creative—it can’t stop and won’t stop here.
This is probably the quickest, cheapest costume to put together. Get a white shirt and write the letter “T” on it. Download the Auto-Tune Star app on your phone. During the party, sing into your phone about how “S” and “U” gave you a really painful Indian sunburn the other day (but at least you still have the body of a goddess.)
Remember, choose wisely. A recommendation would be to write each number down on bits of paper, and blindly pick from a hat, Dumbledore style. Good luck, and Happy Halloween!
PRISM Staff modeling “T-Pain” costume