By Rebecca Vitkus
Junior, English Major
I see you. Don’t think I don’t notice. I see your posts that say “Your the best” and “I love you to.” I may have the self-control to refrain from correcting your hideous abuse of the English language, but I can still see every run-on sentence and comma splice. I‘ve ignored your sentences that end with prepositions and your constant misuse of the words “literally” and “ironic,” but enough is ENOUGH.
This is what I would say to you, dear Facebook friends, if I ever lost restraint and unleashed my inner thoughts of rage upon your poorly worded posts.
Middle-aged woman’s caption accompanying a picture of cake, pie, and cookies:
“This is a picture of my deserts tonight. Care to join me?”
No. No, I do not want to join you in the desert tonight. The dry, hot desert sounds rather awful in comparison to my soft, comfortable bed. Your desserts, however, do look rather delicious.
Birthday boy in response to being thanked:
Aw, my welcome? Really, I can have it? You shouldn’t have! You seriously shouldn’t have. The difference between “your” and “you’re” really isn’t that complicated. If you can replace the word with “you are,” then please, use “you’re.”
A post from a girl to her boyfriend of two weeks as she tries to sound intelligent:
“I know nothing will ever come between you and I!”
For reasons unknown, there is a never-ending mental struggle when it comes to using “I” and “me.” “I” is used (or more often, not used) as the subject of a sentence, as in “He and I went to the football game,” rather than “You and me are going to dance the night away.” However, in attempting to perfect this art, young pursuers of grammatical excellence often overgeneralize this rule. “Me” is used as the object of a sentence, not “I.” For example, “Give that food to her and I” would not be correct, but “Give that food to her and me” is fine. The trick is to take out the other subject and see what makes sense. “Give that food to me.” The problem is solved; if using “I” doesn’t make sense when the second subject is taken out, use “me.”
It may be the fact that I’m an English major. It may be the fact that I am a copy editor. It may be the fact that sometimes I’m concerned that I have an actual obsession with proper grammar. Whatever it is, I know that I do not stand alone. There are others like me who want to see our English language restored. Join with us as we take a stand for the proper use of grammar on social media sites.*
*This may be a bit melodramatic. I understand that abbreviations are convenient, and sometimes laziness takes charge. However, using proper spelling and grammar does make you a thousand times cooler in my book, if that counts for anything.