UF PRISM

I stand in front of my dorm room door, staring at the fake wooden floors, surrounded by 40 other rooms. Oh my god. The floor I’m on—in the smallest building by the way— houses 50 residents. So that’s… 50 times 40… that’s… 200 people?! Oh my god. Multiply that by the other four buildings, and all the other dorms on campus—at least 12?— plus all the off-campus housing (those are endless…). Oh my god.

That was a snippet of my mind a year ago as a freshman, spiraling at the thought of how many people there were on campus. And it seemed like everyone already knew each other, inquiring about each other’s schedules, cracking endless inside jokes (what was the punchline guys?), parties they got to show face at. All I could do was plaster on a smile, awkwardly laugh, and ask, “So what was your major again?”

Fortunately, after a treacherous freshman year, you learn a thing or two about fostering new relationships. You have to create the key that unlocks these relationships—so what is inclusion? It’s that feeling of belonging—that the people around you acknowledge your presence, listen to you, remember your name, and talk to you. Note, though, that inclusion is a two way street. A group can make you feel included, but you can also initiate inclusion, ensuring people feel secure in a group.

The beauty of inclusion lies in the fact that our journeys are all completely different. What I discovered about belonging probably doesn’t match what you have learned, maybe it never will. Inclusion is abstract; it can’t be broken down into a specific formula, but there are some universal lessons that people seem to learn from their individual experiences.

I’d like to emphasize that learning to identify when you feel included, when you don’t, when you think you did a good job including people, etc., is in the cultivation of new relationships. Social interactions are just like recipes: they can be broken up into sets of steps.

When do you feel included? Is it when someone remembers your name after one introduction? When they inquire further about one of your interests? When you share a common hobby, class, or feeling? What does “inclusion” feel like? Do you want to continue the conversation? Are you nervous, or do you want to perpetuate the conversation? Do you feel more easily included through conversation or an activity?

Understanding what makes YOU feel part of a group allows you to grasp the type of people, actions, and environments that invoke that feeling. Identifying those attributes will make finding people, YOUR people, that much easier. Maybe you value people who are spontaneous, willing to go on a late night adventure to Raising Cane’s at 1 a.m. Or maybe the act of someone inviting you to a study date at Marston screams “belonging” to you. In any case, actively considering this relationship will strengthen your approach to making friends.

For instance, the “freshmen year phenomenon” has always been fascinating to me. The quiet, timid girl from across the hallway went to a speed-friending event and now she’s cooking up a new dish with her new friends every other night. The sophomore-freshman roommate pair thrives off each other, and the girl who swore to never join a sorority was convinced by her older, wiser counterpart. They hang out in their room and in their dorm all the time. At first, the entomology major would hole herself in her room, but one fateful dinner brought us all together, and she confidently continued her insect pinning in the common area while we oohed and ahhed. I watched as we all became friends with a speed I’ve never seen before!

I’ve boiled it down to this: sharing so many first-time experiences together in college provides the optimal environment for increased interaction and bonding. Combined with the newfound freedom and ease of meeting up, we form connections with people in a way some of us couldn’t back home. After my freshman year, I understood I bond more with people if I complete activities with them, like grabbing food or walking around campus together, or studying late into the night. Understanding that I personally feel closer to people when we spend quality time together, I applied my individual feelings to a broader context. When I want to make someone feel more comfortable, I ask them to do an activity together.

Inclusion is rooted in sharing experiences, be it through words or actions. Splicing the entirety of what belonging is and understanding each piece helps us weave together a bigger picture of who we are and provide greater clarity on the concept of inclusion. At UF, each complex, each building, each door has an intricate story behind it. The art of inclusion lies in taking time to understand people’s stories—which starts with discovering your own.

I won’t reveal everything I’ve learned about inclusion. It’s a journey everyone needs to take for themselves at least once in their lifetime. So, what does inclusion mean to you?