“If you’re reading this,
I am dead.”
Seven fatal words
Still stuck inside my head
Even four years later
When the tears start to shed
I remember those words
And all left unsaid
If you’re reading this,
I, too, am dead
Looping songs you gave me
Curled up in my bed
Counting words till the chorus
Counting days that have passed
Counting on the future
To free me from my past
If you’re reading this,
I am lost
Lost in lobbies and chat rooms
Thinking of star-crossed
Lovers. Is that what we were?
Love comes at a cost
But why’s it so high
With our wires uncrossed?
If you’re reading this,
I am lying
It’s morbidly funny
Now I’m the one dying
I’ve hidden my flag
I try not to feel
My click-and-paste smile
It was never real
If you’re reading this,
I have a blister
Seven fatal words
In an email, in a picture
Long since deleted
Freed from that stricture
But who sent that sentence?
Who pulled that trigger?
If you’re reading this,
I am confused
Maybe I’m crazy?
Maybe I’m just bruised
Are you still living?
My lover? My friend?
Choosing to leave
And to write your own end?
If you’re reading this,
I am alive
The years have lapsed
And the grief’s mostly died
I have a new partner
A love that’s defined
Who loves all the scars
That I have from your knives
If you are reading this,
I hope you are well
I hope you are healthy
Though I try not to dwell
I plant every kiss
And I don’t reminisce
Because if you are reading this,
It’s you I don’t-
If you…
Stop.
Stop reading this.
UF PRISM 