It’s that time of year again! Get excited for some hot new sales on products you have been waiting for an excuse to purchase. To hell with the environment or livable work conditions! You NEED your Amazon Exclusive 7 ply.
Now, without further ado, here are some Cyber Monday highlights:
1. Minecraft Skeleton Costume
Disguise Minecraft Skeleton is the ultimate chick magnet. I would know – it was my Halloween costume this year. And, in the right light, it could be an abstract Met Gala look. Avante Garde!
2. Percy Jackson and The Olympians: The Chalice of the Gods
Read the synopsis, per medium.com:
“Percy Jackson and the Chalice of the Gods is a book that follows Percy Jackson as he tries to get into college. In order to get his recommendation letter for New Rome University, Percy, Annabeth, and Grover are tasked with helping Ganymede retrieve his lost goblet. Percy will have to fulfill three quests in order to get the necessary three letters of recommendation from Mount Olympus for his college application.”
Yes, this is real. I don’t even have a punchline.
3. Barbie Phone Case
Shoot – sorry, this shouldn’t even be here. This is a screenshot from my shopping cart!
4. Collapsible Toilet Plunger
This item is for those of you who keep leaving ‘happy accidents’ in the girl’s second floor building three HV bathroom. I have walked in on a full turd one too many times (it has only happened once, but that is one time too many).
5. Sol de Janeiro Perfume
Let’s get these suckers out of stock! I want the Sol de Janeiro cult members to suffer.
6. Irish Spring Soap
Gainesville humidity exists. Recognize it, post-pubescent white boys!! I don’t need a wave of expired Axe and dirty clothes greeting me every time I enter my dorm lobby. Thank you. Also, I may be getting greedy with the requests – but if you guys could, like, not wear basketball shorts all the time and maybe put on a pair of jeans, that would be great.
Happy shopping, everyone! Whoever buys me that Barbie phone case will be rewarded with a high five.
Images Courtesy of Amazon and Anja Schwarzbauer
UF PRISM 